


Except Because

by hisloss



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 08:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3349841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisloss/pseuds/hisloss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Making sure his printing was indistinguishable and nondescript, Sora wrote Riku’s name on the envelope and taped it to the desk. </p><p>*</p><p>Axel.</p><p>Roxas felt the telltale butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Why did he have to like that guy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. in secret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aurons_fan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurons_fan/gifts).



7:52 am. Riku considered himself a morning person, but he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to handle an 8 am class. He didn’t even know that the university offered them.  The boy sitting to his right popped open a Red Rocket energy drink and poured it into his coffee. “I’m gonna die,” he muttered darkly, toasting the empty podium before drinking the entire thing. Riku felt his eye twitch. The redheaded girl sitting behind him groaned.

“I’m not dealing with the consequences of my best friend’s actions,” she chanted. “I’m not dealing with the consequences of my best friend’s choices.”

Unfortunately, the class was a lecture, and mandatory for humanities majors. The professor was five minutes late. Taking roll took another ten. The boy sitting to Riku’s right – Sora, he mentally imprinted the name – was getting fidgety. By the end of class, his friend practically had to pull him out by the ear to keep him from bouncing off the walls. Riku went straight to the bookstore to buy the work packet for the class and then went to hunt down breakfast.

At least he didn’t have another class until eleven.

* * *

 

Sora and his friends typically sat behind Riku and to his right. Like Riku, they never missed a lecture, and three weeks in, he found himself getting along so well with them that they sat together in other classes.

“Remind me why I didn’t take this class last semester?” Sora complained, nursing his coffee.

Kairi rolled her eyes and tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. “So that we could all take it together?” She gestured down the row at the rest of their group: Pence, Naminé, and Roxas. “This is the first time we were all able to add. In the past five academic semesters there hasn’t been room.”

“That’s because _in the past five academic semesters_ – “ Roxas imitated her, seething “ – this class has been offered at a decent hour.”

Riku grinned and Sora handed over what was left of his energy drink. Roxas poured it into his coffee and shot it down without flinching. When he first got to know them, Riku thought the two were twins.

“Everyone thinks that,” Sora agreed, “but we’re not. We even did a DNA test,” he joked.

* * *

 

Week five, Riku came in to class to find a pale blue envelope taped to the desk he usually sat at. Kairi was skimming through her textbook. No one else seemed to notice that anything was out of the ordinary. Cautiously, Riku sat and put his notebook down, briefly touching the card with the back of his hand. After the lecture started, he carefully pried it away and let it drop into his lap. It was mercifully unsealed, so he opened it, revealing a simple silver heart pressed into the card. The back displayed a single verse:

_I do not love you as if you were_

_salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow_

_of carnations as the fire shoots off._

_I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_

_in secret, between the shadow_

_and the soul._

And underneath:

_Your Secret Admirer_

Stunned, Riku slipped the card into his backpack. He’d never had a secret admirer. Suddenly, his blood ran cold. The card didn’t have his name on it. Suppose it was for someone else? When class was over, he took it out and examined it. No name anywhere. His arm felt heavy as he taped it to the corkboard by the door.


	2. butterflies

How could he have been so stupid?

Sora glared at his alarm clock. He wanted to skip class.

The card had been meant for Kairi.

“Just ask her out,” Roxas threw his pillow at him.

“I had this whole romantic thing planned out,” Sora groaned, throwing the covers aside.

The worst part, he decided as they walked to class, was Riku’s reaction. Anyone else would have been pleased an hopeful, distracted by the possibility that someone could love them. Riku had left the room dejected. Riku was a good looking guy. He was nice. Why wouldn’t he think it could be for him?

In his backpack, Sora had the next secret admirer note he’d meant to give Kairi. When he got to class, he was early. Riku wasn’t there yet. Kairi and Naminé were huddled together, going over the evaluation assignment. Roxas was still listening to his music, silently rereading his notes. Sora discreetly took the note from his backpack. He’d have to come up with another romantic gesture. But for now.

Making sure his printing was indistinguishable and nondescript, he wrote Riku’s name on the envelope and taped it to the desk. Kairi gave him a questioning look, and he shrugged. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

* * *

 

The second note had his name on it.

_You are like nobody since I love you._

_Let me spread you out among yellow garlands._

_Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?_

_Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed._

-          _Your Secret Admirer_

He could barely concentrate throughout class. It was real. He smiled softly to himself.

* * *

 

It shouldn’t have made Sora as happy as it did to see Riku’s reaction. After class, he walked with Roxas to bookstore for their shift. The last shipment of textbooks had come in, so while Roxas worked the register, he unpacked and stocked the shelves.

An hour later, like clockwork, Axel walked in. Roxas pointedly ignored him, but didn’t protest when he brought his purchases to his register. Sora was done with the textbooks and had moved on to folding and organizing spirit shirts, so he was close enough to hear when Axel said, “Your eyes are so beautiful.”

Roxas glared steadily at him and continued to ring up the items.

“Why don’t you just ask to switch your shift? Or ask me to ring him up?” Sora asked after he’d left.

“Axel is my problem to deal with,” Roxas replied simply.

They left their shift together and met everyone else in the dining hall for dinner. “So,” Kairi kicked Sora lightly under the table, “Care to explain what’s going on with Riku?”

Sora felt his face heat up. “He has a nice smile,” he heard himself say.

Kairi’s face lit up and she laughed. “Oh, Sora! That’s adorable. You have a crush on him.”

“I don’t – “ Sora started to say, but stopped. Riku stood there, his dinner tray in his hands. Shit.

“Hi, Riku!” Naminé greeted. “I’m glad you could come.”

He shrugged. “Usually I eat with my brothers, but I couldn’t find them. Thanks for asking me to sit with you guys.” He slid in between her and Pence.

“I don’t think he heard us,” Kairi whispered, and relief flooded through him.

They ate their meal amicably, talking about their weekend plans. “We should go out,” Sora suggested, then blushed when he realized that he’d turned to address Riku. Kairi elbowed him. “…I mean all of us. As a group.”

Murmurs of agreement went around the table and they all agreed on a trip to the movies.

As they walked back to the dorm, Kairi sidled up to him, smiling. “So, what’s your plan for this weekend? Put your arm across the back of Riku’s seat? Woo him with your vast knowledge of bread facts?”

“Kairi – “

“I’m so glad you’re showing interest in someone. It was kind of awkward between us last year when everyone thought we were dating.”

“…yeah, it was,” he agreed lamely.

* * *

 

The next class, there was no note. Riku wasn’t too disappointed. His secret admirer couldn’t be expected to be that adamant. He regretted discarding the first note, but the second one was tucked into his textbook. If his secret admirer was in class with him, they would see that he treasured it.

Next to him, Sora was scribbling down his notes furiously. It was no longer unusual to see him to hyped up on coffee and energy drinks. It was hard to get up so early, but none of their group had never missed a session. A huge chunk of their class had stopped showing up. Riku had the feeling that they’d all turn up for the final.

“This class is killing me,” Pence groaned as they walked out. “I don’t know how I’m going to get through the midterm.”

“We’ll make a study group,” Kairi assured him.

They parted ways, and Riku went to the library to study and take a powernap before his next class.

* * *

 

Roxas skated leisurely across campus. He had the day off from the bookstore and his next two classes had been cancelled owing to both professors presenting at a conference for the department. He did have an editorial to edit for the paper, but he knew he could finish it easily. He stopped at the snack stop in the student union and picked up a few things, planning to go back to his dorm and relax with a book before he got to work on the article.

When he came back out, he had to duck behind a pillar. Axel was there with his friends.

Roxas felt the telltale butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Why did he have to like that guy?

He peeked around and sucked in a breath. Axel’s arm was slung around the shoulders of a blonde with a piercing giggle. Axel leaned over and whispered something in her ear.

Roxas skated off as fast as he could.

When Sora got back to the room, he frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I hate how you can tell what I’m feeling, It’s nothing, okay?”

Sora picked up the book he’d been reading earlier. “You were reading Austen. Is this about Axel?”

Roxas tensed. “He doesn’t like me.”

“But you like him.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“But Roxas – “

“Why don’t you tell me how you’re going to fix this thing with Riku?” Roxas snapped.

Sora threw himself onto his bed. “I don’t know,” he said. “I can’t just stop. He’ll get sad. But I can’t keep it up forever.”

“You need to tell him the truth,” Roxas advised.

“That’s the _worst_ option,” Sora hissed from underneath his blankets. “He’ll _hate_ me.”

“I think he’ll forgive you.”

“Yeah,” Sora sighed. “He’s nice.”

Roxas smirked. “Are you sure you don’t like him?”

Sora frowned at the coffee stain on his sheets. “I like him,” he conceded. “But not like Kairi.”

* * *

 

“Do you actually like Roxas, or are you just messing with him?” Sora asked the next day.

Axel peered over the bookshelf to the registers where Roxas was helping a customer. “Does he think I’m messing with him?”

Sora relaxed a bit. “Basically.”

Axel put down his purchases and started helping him shelve things. “I just – he’s so amazing that I don’t know what to say when I’m in front of him.”

Sora looked at him quizzically. “He doesn’t even talk to you.”

“He writes for the school paper,” Axel explained. “I read all of his editorials.”

“That’s actually kind of sweet.”

“So, do you think I have a chance?”

* * *

 

By Saturday, Roxas looked like he was suffering from withdrawal. Sora had advised Axel to stay away from the bookstore for a few days to throw him off. So far, Roxas refused to admit that anything was wrong, but Sora was sure that if Axel could keep it up for a little longer, Roxas would crack and do something.

They all met at the movie theater.

Sora had been thinking about what he was going to do about the secret admirer notes. Despite what he’d said to Roxas, he wasn’t sure Riku would forgive him if he told the truth. Sora should have never addressed the second note. But Riku had looked so sad.

“I could have come up with anything else to cheer him up,” he muttered under his breath as they entered the theater.

The movie had only come out the day before, so it was a packed room. “It looks like we won’t be sitting together,” Hayner complained.

“It’s okay. Look, there’s a group of seats. They’re not all in a row, but we can all fit.”

Kairi, Namine, Pence, Olette, Hayner and Roxas fit into the top row. “Sora and Riku can fit in the next row!” Kairi pushed them down one step. Sora glared at her.

“I don’t mind,” Riku said.

So they moved down a row.

All through the movie, Sora kept still. He didn’t want to give Kairi any reason to keep thinking that he had a crush on Riku.

Halfway through the movie, Riku went to the bathroom. When he came back, he tripped over a foot and landed in Sora’s lap. Sora jumped, then rushed to help him back into his own seat.

“Sorry,” Riku whispered.

“Are you okay?” Sora asked in the same moment.

They laughed quietly together.

“Are we good?” Riku asked, touching his arm.

“Yeah,” Sora breathed.

 


	3. romcom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for B. KH fandom friends 4ever

Sora didn’t get it.

Suddenly, whenever he was in the same room as Riku, they were romcom situation magnets. Tripping into each other’s arms or laps, suddenly discovering that they liked the same things.

The worst part about it was that because of it, they were becoming friends. In the study group that they’d all formed, Riku regularly brought him his favorite snacks and let him copy his notes if he couldn’t read his own. All the while, Kairi smiled knowingly at them.

The weekend before midterms, they camped out in the library, all six of them, helping each other revise and edit the term paper they were required to turn in before the test.

“I can’t believe he wants a print source for this,” Sora muttered. “Who wants to go into the journals and articles section and help me find something I don’t have to read all the way through to use?”

“I need to find something, too,” Riku admitted, shoving his mess into a somewhat orderly pile and getting up to follow him. Sora ignored Kairi’s obvious hand signals and begrudgingly lead the way.

The journals and articles section was dim – since it was rarely used the library staff took their time changing the lightbulbs – and smelled like old paper and pot. Sora wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. Assholes.”

“I know, right?” Riku agreed. “No one cares what you’re smoking but for the love of Yevon do it outside. Preferably on a part of campus that’s out of the way.”

Riku found his source first, then balanced it on a stool and started helping Sora.

“What do you think the test is going to be like?” he asked quietly.

“I wish we knew someone who took the class before,” Sora mused.

From somewhere behind the stack they heard a low moan, and then the sound of something heavy shifting across the thin carpet. Riku’s eyes went wide.

“We should…”

“ _Quietly_ ,” Sora agreed.

Riku grabbed the journal he was going to use. Sora tripped over the stool.

“What was that?” a voice from the other side of the stacks hissed.

Held tightly in Riku’s embrace, Sora inhaled sharply. _Fuck_. They heard frantic whispers. Riku shifted, trying to get Sora off of him. “Someone’s there!” that same voice insisted. Sora pushed himself up, flustered. Riku followed after him, barely holding back laughter.

“Speaking of things people need to do _outside_ of the library,” he said when he could breathe. Sora shoved him lightly, blushing.

“Do you think I could use your source? I don’t want to go back there.”

“There’s more than one article in here. You’ll probably find something.”

“Thanks.”

Riku glanced back at the dimly lit area. “As embarrassing as that was, I’m actually kind of turned on now,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

Sora blushed harder. “Yeah,” he agreed under his breath.

* * *

 

It didn’t help that Sora had finally had a good look at Riku’s eyes.

His friend was hot.

When they got back to their room, he dropped his backpack heavily on the floor.

“So,” he said, swallowing, “suppose I have this friend, and he thinks he might me into this other guy…”

“Which one of us are you talking about?” Roxas asked from the bathroom.

“Me.”

Roxas stuck his head out. “Is this about Riku?”

“We’re friends,” Sora explained. “We were just supposed to be friends. But he has a nice smile – like, I just want to make him smile all of the time – and we have a lot in common and he’s nice to me and he’s so understanding when something awkward happens between us.”

“Okay? And?”

“And I’m attracted to him?” Sora threw himself onto his bed and pulled the blanket over his head. “I hate this.”

“Tell me about it,” Roxas snorted before disappearing into the bathroom.

* * *

 

When Roxas showed up to his afternoon class later that week, Olette was saving his seat. “How did your midterm go?” she asked.

“It was okay. I feel pretty good about the paper, so hopefully that’ll save me.”

“You’re a good writer,” she assured him. “By the way, thanks for sharing this with me, but I got my own.” She put their textbook on his desk.

“Hey, cool. You– “ he cut himself off. _You were able to afford it?_

“Axel bought it for me,” she said.

“Axel,” he echoed flatly.

“Yep.”

“Why?”

Olette frowned. “Oh, right,” she murmured. “You wouldn’t know. He does that.”

“Buys you things?”

“Buys people things. Things that they _need_. I was sharing and borrowing all of my textbooks, and it was getting really difficult for everyone involved. So, I asked.”

“I still don’t get it.”

Olette turned to face him and sighed. “Axel’s family is rich. Axel donates money to all of the school’s charities, but he also helps anyone out that needs it. Remember two semesters ago, that girl in the Fountain Dorms? Yuna. The bathroom above her room flooded and the water damage ruined her single? The school only replaced her laptop and textbooks because they were educational use. Axel found out and took her shopping. He replaced her entire wardrobe and her bedding. And last semester, when Pence had to go back home because his mom broke her arm and had to miss work for a few days, Axel bought the train ticket and gave him money to buy her groceries and stuff for a month so she wouldn’t have to worry.”

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Either someone who he’s helped tells you or he finds out. He doesn’t like to brag about it because then people would take advantage. But he never refuses anyone.”

* * *

 

It had been nearly three weeks since the last note. Riku had actually forgotten.

“What’s wrong?” Sora asked.

“…I got a secret admirer note,” he answered.

Sora looked interested. “Oh?”

“This isn’t the first one,” he explained, “but it’s been a while. I’d forgotten about them.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I… I think I’m falling for someone else, though, so it’s… I don’t know what to do.”

Sora looked equally as conflicted, but then, he smiled. “The board!”

“What board?”

“The one outside the door,” Sora said. “It’s a really early class, so unless your admirer is a morning person, they’re probably in this class. So, leave a message on the board outside for them to see.”

“That seems harsh.”

Sora shrugged. “I’m not saying you should write ‘fuck off’.”

Riku thought about it all through class, stealing glances at Sora. Since they’d become friends, he’d noticed how happy he felt around him. Sora had that effect on people. He was a good friend. He was smart about things that sounded a lot less boring when he talked about them. And his arms and hands made Riku fantasize guilt-inducing things.

He spent the rest of the day trying to compose a short rejection note. In the dining hall, everyone noticed that he seemed pensive, but he shrugged it off, crediting it to their still ungraded term papers. That prompted a round of complains from everyone. Sora walked back with him to his dorm.

“Thanks for not saying anything,” he thanked him.

“Did you decide what you’re going to do?”

Riku sighed. “Getting your notes made me happy. To think that someone could feel those things for me is amazing. But I’ve met someone that I want to be with, so I hope you, too, can be happy.”

Sora blinked. “That’s – that’s actually not so bad.” He stared at his feet. “I hope it all works out. With your admirer and whoever it is that you admire.”

“It’s you,” Riku confessed.

“What.”

“Whom I admire,” he clarified. Sora stared at him. “I just wanted to be friends, but… love doesn’t really care what you want.” He shrugged. “I – “

“It’s me,” Sora said suddenly.

“Yes. You. I like you.”

Sora shook his head. “No. It’s me. I’m your secret admirer.”

Riku stared. “No, you’re not.”

Sora laughed and rested each of his hands on Riku’s shoulders. “ _I do not love you except because I love you_ ,” he recited, the same words from the most recent note. “ _I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz…_ ” the first one. He stepped closer. “ _I crave your mouth, your voice…_ ”

“That wasn’t – “

“It would have been the next one,” Sora amended, kissing him.

* * *

 

Axel lived in a single dorm, but most seniors did. Roxas was still trying to wrap his head around the part where Axel was rich and he didn’t have to buy textbooks or clothes or train tickets for people he didn’t even know. He didn’t even have to go to their school. He could be going to a much better school. Roxas raised his fist and knocked.

Axel was so surprised to see him that he looked over his shoulder and around the hall, perhaps thinking that he’d accompanied someone there to ask for a favor. In the past few weeks since Axel had started ignoring him, Roxas had grown antsy. He regularly stalked the chemistry building. Two days ago, when Axel had come to the bookstore, his heart leapt into his throat and he all but blackmailed Xion into trading the register to him for inventory in the back.

“Hi,” he'd greeted, taking Axel’s purchases. Axel hadn't said anything. “Did you find everything okay today?” he gritted out.

“Yeah, thanks,” Axel replied distractedly, not meeting his eyes.

“Axel, I –“

“I’m sorry about the way I acted around you, Roxas. It was rude. I won’t bother you anymore,” Axel finished, handing over the payment in exact bills and change. He took his things without waiting for them to be bagged and without his receipt.

Roxas held it out now. “You forgot this, the other day.”

“You came to give me a receipt?”

“I thought you might need it.”

Axel took it. “Thanks.” He moved to close the door.

“You bought Olette’s textbooks.”

The door stayed open.

“Yeah, I did.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I did it because I can.” It was the least selfish pronunciation of the phrase Roxas had ever heard.

“You helped two of my friends. I just wanted to say thank you.”

Axel opened the door wider and leaned against the frame. He held out the thin binder he nearly dropped when he saw Roxas standing there. Inside were newspaper clippings. Roxas’s editorials, dating back from last year. “I like your writing. I thought that if I ever asked you out, we would talk about them.” Roxas handed it back, speechless. “So, is that all? Do you need something?” the last he asked patiently and gently.

Roxas swallowed his pride and looked up. Their eyes connected. Roxas had never noticed how unusual and intense Axel’s were.

“You,” he said.

Axel slipped, nearly breaking his nose on the door knob. When he regained his composure, he cleared his throat and stood up straight. “I’m sorry. What?”

“I need you, Axel.”

Axel stared at him long enough to start to regret it, then relaxed. “Well,” he said softly, “that won’t cost me anything.”

Roxas ignored the butterflies in his stomach and took a tentative step forward. Axel stepped aside and let him in.

* * *

 

Sora woke up to the sound of the door squeaking open. “It’s 4 in the morning,” he whispered. “Where the _fuck_ have you been?”

Roxas froze. “With my _boyfriend_ , asshole.” Then, “Who’s in bed with you?”

“ _His_ boyfriend,” Riku said defensively. “And he wouldn’t let me sleep because he was worried about you.”

“Did Axel honestly let you walk back to your room at this hour?”

Roxas gave an exasperated sigh. “He lives three floors up, _mom_.” He kicked off his shoes. “ _Please_ don’t have sex while I’m in the room.”

Riku bristled. “I respect Sora!”

“Good for you,” Roxas said and disappeared into the bathroom.

Sora rolled over and tucked himself into Riku’s side. Riku smiled into his hair and murmured “ _Drunk as drunk on turpentine from your open kisses_ ,” before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that ending scene might be my favorite thing I've ever written with those three, and the most clever


End file.
